Uuugh

Today some one I care deeply about lost their job. From the same place that a year and a half ago, I also lost my job. Granted this person was given the option of resigning rather than being terminated, but its still horrid. I've been thinking that resigning, even forced resignation would be better than being fired. I can't feel that way anymore. It doesn't seem to be any less crushing. Maybe on an application for a new position, it isn't as bad. Maybe.

But here is the major thing that keeps chewing on me. What if, a year and a half ago, I had stood up for myself? Gotten legal representation? Everyone told me that I should. But between the medication confusion and the suicidal despair, it wasn't possible. At least, it didn't seem possible at the time. Now I can't stop wondering if I had, would this person be suffering today? Could I have prevented this?

All I want is to make a difference. Sometimes I lose track of that. Lose it in unsettled attempts just to function. But it is what I want. If action could have prevented this...

I don't know.