August again

The nightmares have returned. Not the ones that never really go away. The others. The ones that find me being forced to watch in horror as my best friend is fed to a carnivorous plant. Because of something I did. Or my dream alter ego did. I never look like me in dreams. Strangely enough I usually look small and male, and helpless. No idea what this means. The more graphic the nightmares become the worse the month becomes. August has always been my most maniac month. I had thought that maybe this year I wouldn't have the normal problems. There is only one week left. But no I feel that I breathed too soon. With the dreams I'm also waking often. Checking the time again and again. Waiting anxiously for the proper time to get up, though when it arrives I'm still exhausted. I don't want to be sick. Don't want this. The irrational, odd behavior that comes with it. Now is not a good time. I know there is no good time, but now is... No worse than any other. I just don't want this. I want stability. Need it.