WTF

Why do you fuck with crazy women? Why can't you just leave us alone? Aren't there any sane girls out there for you to mess with? Seriously, I have enough problems without you playing mind games with me. I could handle casual if it stayed casual. I could be friends, if we were just friends. Stop changing the rules. Stop playing least in sight and then coming back around just when I make up my mind that I've had enough. You suck. You really, really suck. I accepted that I wasn't awesome, that I meant nothing. Then you held my hand in the bar and I was caught off guard. What the hell. No one does that. People might see. Kissing me. Its wrong. You make me be quiet when your ex calls but you kiss me in public. What the Hell? I don't get it and I want to understand. Stop messing with my head. Go away and stay away. Or come back and be consistent. Be an ass. I can handle that. Be nice. I don't get it. Just be one thing and stop confusing me. This game doesn't work.

August again

The nightmares have returned. Not the ones that never really go away. The others. The ones that find me being forced to watch in horror as my best friend is fed to a carnivorous plant. Because of something I did. Or my dream alter ego did. I never look like me in dreams. Strangely enough I usually look small and male, and helpless. No idea what this means. The more graphic the nightmares become the worse the month becomes. August has always been my most maniac month. I had thought that maybe this year I wouldn't have the normal problems. There is only one week left. But no I feel that I breathed too soon. With the dreams I'm also waking often. Checking the time again and again. Waiting anxiously for the proper time to get up, though when it arrives I'm still exhausted. I don't want to be sick. Don't want this. The irrational, odd behavior that comes with it. Now is not a good time. I know there is no good time, but now is... No worse than any other. I just don't want this. I want stability. Need it.

Crunch Me

Tell me another lie/Anything

The first ones weren’t big enough/ Of course, I believed didn’t I

Holding my breath with hope watching you cautiously a small child offered a forbidden treat

yeah, yeah come back and do it again lie to me at least its got good flavor it makes the heart beat before the pain takes over

I thought you were different but you’re not/ I’m just another moment to you

fritos

its fun touch your tongue to me then crush me under your feet

not again I’m sick of the feeling I heard you the first time I’m not good enough not awesome enough what you think I didn’t already know

story of my life foretold/ nothing more than a broodmare but what is a broodmare who wont have a brood

worthless no damn good no damn good nothing else there

bedroom games empty time finish it and let me go/ oh right you already did missing an explanation guess I don’t need one

do not pass go/ fucking without dating straight to jail you’re a whore she said

Crush me I’ll be touch me taste me its one more game roll my dice tonight

I’m desperate touch me touch me I did it for you lies- I did it for me you couldn’t understand no one touches me I thought you would be different

damn feels like dying again/ sometimes it seems the only way to kill this feeling is to kill me

Yeah I’m still here Breaking glass moments breaking apart in my chest

What do you know

You could never live my life Touch the abuse it comes and goes I always go back don’t know anything else think I need it how fucked up does that make me

Know I need my Crazy, sweet baby, the love hold me close run me through the wind take my tears I’ll go back for that if nothing else

I wanted you wanted you to be different so bad

Crunch me Ill never be nothing But a moment lost in time

And you

I cant remember Feel I should Every time you touch me Something hangs in the mind Heart calls to me Come back I can’t The past is my destruction The future as well

Crunch me There will be no more touches You let me go Can’t figure why Moments in time Pass by

Crunch me Refuse me Hurt me hate me

Something anything Just don’t leave me in this painful silence that I can’t comprehend can’t control

Hurt me Hurt me Hurt me so I can hurt me Find my center my control Whatever you give me, I can give greater

But not this

Not this silence

I have no silence Its agony its swamps me like jam smears me in sticky misery

Release me

Crunch me touch me taste me hate me hurt me

Just don’t give me silence

~ L.S.