Uuugh

Today some one I care deeply about lost their job. From the same place that a year and a half ago, I also lost my job. Granted this person was given the option of resigning rather than being terminated, but its still horrid. I've been thinking that resigning, even forced resignation would be better than being fired. I can't feel that way anymore. It doesn't seem to be any less crushing. Maybe on an application for a new position, it isn't as bad. Maybe.

But here is the major thing that keeps chewing on me. What if, a year and a half ago, I had stood up for myself? Gotten legal representation? Everyone told me that I should. But between the medication confusion and the suicidal despair, it wasn't possible. At least, it didn't seem possible at the time. Now I can't stop wondering if I had, would this person be suffering today? Could I have prevented this?

All I want is to make a difference. Sometimes I lose track of that. Lose it in unsettled attempts just to function. But it is what I want. If action could have prevented this...

I don't know.

P!nk - Don't Let Me Get Me

Today is Sunday

Today is Sunday. The thing that is making me happy today is the Seattle Times Sunday Edition. On (some) Sundays the dogs and I walk to the market that is just below the apartment to grab the paper. The Sunday edition is hefty compared to the regular ones. I like that it seems substantial. First, I separate the ads from the rest of the paper. Then I read the Arts section. The rants and raves contained within is my favorite part. Next, I read the ads. I pick random things from their pages, imagining myself going shopping for those very things. Then I read the comics. Still I miss some of the comics that were shown on the Missoula paper from home. After that I read the Auto section. The Car Talk column usually makes me laugh. Sometimes I read more, sometimes I am tired. Still, I am probably smiling.

11/20/2010 Today is Saturday

Today is Saturday. The thing that I am most happy about is the look of appreciation and gratitude on my partner's face when I surprise him at work with cupcakes and coffee. It always catches me because coffee and snacks are such a small thing in comparison to the way I feel when he looks at me like that. It might be cheesy and cliche, but that look is the sunshine in my day.

How To Be Alone

Q: Do TIGERS like catnip??

Montana Friends

Drinking coffee. Fretting. Have to go to work soon. One of my best (and only) friends from Montana is here. Kind of nervous. Hope it goes okay. S. is here with her boyfriend. My first visit from someone who isn't family. Wish I did not have to work today!!!!